3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
i think i just lost a toe
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
