How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
