They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
