take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
