evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
