It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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