thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Randomize
