Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
