It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
