im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
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Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
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His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
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