Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
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i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
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the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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