Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
