When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
My feet surprised me
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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