I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
