I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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