"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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