his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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