but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Randomize
