just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
It's rum buckets o'clock
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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