sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
you win again, gameday.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
