I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
