make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
