Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Can I color on your dick again?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I just forgot I was standing up.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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