mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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