Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
