Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
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