I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
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she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
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SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
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