you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
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