This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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