we have officially lost it.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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