I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
