I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
