There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
