whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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