Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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