Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
me + whiskey = a bad person
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
