Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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