We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
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