Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
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By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
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He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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