I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Randomize
