you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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