You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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