I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
