She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
