i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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