Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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