That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
The beer is more important than you right now.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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