I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
