you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
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