FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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