I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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