I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
