11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
My first STD was from a foam party
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
