So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
