are you still at the devil's house?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
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it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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