I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
