I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
