sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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