i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
