Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
i think i just lost a toe
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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