when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
