This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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