he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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