There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
